Rebecca Ore: I've had a phone contact with a woman for going on twenty years now, never met her in the flesh. She's been one of those friends who make being there in a crunch look effortless for her, which means I don't have to be embarrassed later about it.
I've had the pleasure of counting as more than casual friends people I've never met in person (maybe not quite on the level you mention), and my online connections go back a comparable time (just now 19 years). However, I have met the people I know >from here and feel particularly close to.
Rebecca: I've been trying to rebuild some friendships from the poetry days in NYC -- these were people I've known going on 36 years now. One of the great things about one of my colleagues at work is that we both were around the same circles of people in NYC back in the latest 60s and early 70s.
One feature of reaching middle age, I think, is that one's network of associations -- both of interests and the people connected with them -- is like a slowly expanding cloud. At the same time, for me at least, the number of *very* close friendships has decreased over time; I suppose this could be a matter of the longevity of any given instance.
Rebecca: There really isn't anything better than being with old friends. One of my young friends said that he ended up with friends in their forties because the younger people he met didn't work to maintain a friendship while they were busy courting and building their careers. But the people in their forties would put some effort into keeping in touch.
As I mentioned earlier, I think we acquire, over time, a set of
relationship skills that bear on the qualities you mention.
