Rob Bernardo in 22 Easy Steps

I've known Rob since at least 1986. That is the first email I have saved of his. I'm not sure when we first met (I'm lousy at remembering that type of thing) but it was the 1988 con at latest. (Well, I just looked it up. He had me over for dinner in April of 1987)

A little stream of consciousness:

I was just rereading old email we exchanged. One directory had 10 emails from Rob with my responses. While reading through, I went to read Rob11. It wasn't there. Neither is Rob and I think it finally hit me...

Rob was a wonderful person. We kept in infrequent contact that was always fun. Although I could never call us close, he has been a good friend.

The most interesting memory of my interaction with Rob, though, was an embarrassing one for me. There was some religious or ethnic thread going on motss. Rob said something that I took (at the time) as anti-Jewish although the details are long gone. I was mortified when I found out that he was indeed Jewish himself (changed last name) and had meant nothing of the sort!

I could ramble forever, but I'll leave that to those who know him better, I think it would be nice, though, to close with Rob in Rob's own words. The following is from the first email of his that I have (my phone bill had gotten dangerously high so we tried email). I asked him to tell me a little about himself. Although I don't think he would have minded my printing the whole thing, I have removed one or two things that might be sensitive. In Rob's words, here is Rob Bernardo in 22 easy steps:

You asked to tell me about myself ...

How does a nice upper middle class genteel ex-sissy suburban Jewish gay boy who went to an Ivy League college wind up a gentleman farmer? In twenty-two easy steps:

1. He applies to Berkeley to attend graduate school.

2. He accepts Berkeley because it has a good linguistics department and because, being near San Francisco, is a good place for a young gay man to be (1974).

3. Towards the end of his graduate program, he realizes:
   1. he won't get a job with a PhD in linguistics

   2. he hasn't seen much of California the six years he's been here

   3. he is finally beginning to fit into the gay milieu in San Francisco.

   4. he has some computer experience that could possible get him an entry level job.

4. He abandons a futile dissertation, gets a computer job with the phone company, and moves across the bay to San Fran, to "become a clone" he jokes (1980).

5. Being 15 minutes walk from the center of the Castro district, he goes out mainly to the Castro to meet other gay men.

6. He joins a gym that plays disco music. His hair gets shorter. His muscles get bigger. Rob finally becomes handsome.

7. He even begins to like disco music a bit, but begins to get bored with the bars in the Castro after six months.

8. The Urban Cowboy craze sweeps the country. It becomes fashionable to wear a cowboy hat and duster, even in Manhattan.

9. A gay c/w dance bar opens in San Francisco.

10. Rob goes to the c/w bar. Not only are the guys dressed in boots, jeans, and hats (and therefore look real sexy to Rob), but there is a large portion of them who are "down home" type folks. Real friendly, who introduce you to all their friends the minute you enter the bar (1981).

11. He learns to like the melodiousness, the simpleness, the directness, the down to earth qualities of country music. He learns to dance the Texas two step, the Cotten Eyed Joe, and the waltz. He loves to dance with another "cowboy" in his arms.

12. A gay outting organization has a poster in the bar for a Wagon Train trip in the desert near Reno over Memorial Day weekend. One can ride a horse or wagon or even walk. He decides that if he doesn't like horses (he doesn't know yet -- never been on one of 'em critters), he can always ride in the wagon.

13. He takes to horses like a fish to water.

14. A group of gay guys start a rodeo group in the SF area. They have two big barn dances/parties at a ranch 40 minutes from SF. Rob goes and wants to fit in. He meets a guy who lives [...] up near Sacramento, and they hit it off.

15. The relationship lasts a few months [...]! But in those months Rob gets a view of what it is like for gay men to be settled down together, and of what country living is like. Rob decides, "This is how I'd like to live."

16. The next two summers Rob learns to ride a horse and often rents one for trail riding out on the edge of the suburbs from a gay friend who runs a horse stable (1982,3).

17. Rob decides he wants to try owning a horse. He meets a guy at the Reno Gay Rodeo that summer who needs to sell his horses for the money. Rob buys one (1984).

18. The Reno Rodeo no longer exists, but in its place a whole rodeo circuit develops (1984-current). Rob would like to be part of the action, not just an envious spectator and convinces his old friend Mark to do the simpler team events with him. They travel to Houston, they travel to Denver, they even travel to Los Angeles?!

19. Rob's company moves from downtown SF to the suburbs (actually newly the suburbs, recently a cow pasture), but the company offers Rob closing and moving costs if he wants to move closer instead of commute (1985).

20. Rob decides maybe he'll move to reduce his commute and to be closer to where the horse is stabled. He looks and looks for a suitable house. Four deals fall through.

21. Rob is discouraged, but then stumbles on a house with a horse set-up right on the property. It's expensive, but he won't have to pay the stables anymore to board his horse. And besides it's so close to his ideal lifestyle. The house is even in decent shape, has a barn and small pasture, and the state trail goes right behind the pasture and leads to an open space of hundreds of acres, a half a mile away, where Rob can go riding. The interest rates plummet and with some belt tightening, Rob decides to go for it.

22. Rob gets the house. He buys a pickup truck. He moves. Rob is happy. (1986).

See, I told you in twenty-two easy steps.

There, everyone, is Rob Bernardo. Rest in peace. You will always be remembered fondly.