Quotations From Soc.Motss Postings

Participants in the discussion group soc.motss-- motssers -- trade insults and other quips fairly often. Common targets are ignoramuses who wander into our midst and think they have wisdom to share. More often we skewer each other, for it is a fractious and contentious lot.

Sometimes, the remarks are less about wit than about prejudices, human foibles, or just philosophies of life. Whatever the thrust, here are several hundred quotations from postings to soc.motss.

Aberson, Sim

[On abuse:] The telling also gives one a sense of freedom
from the abuser, gets the story out in the open. One can be
who they are without fearing their abusers. In the same way
that coming out as queers can be a political statement,
coming out as survivors can also. It *usually* gives the
survivor a sense of empowerment. That still leaves the
quandry of what is "liberating" and what is just "airing
dirty laundry."
(Sim Aberson) 

Anger can be destructive or constructive. So many positive
things can come of our anger. Do something about it. Help
organize gay and lesbian youth groups in your area. Get
involved in the gay struggle (I assume you do not do these
things, but everyone knows what assuming does). Be angry, but
put that anger to good use.
(Sim Aberson) 

One can only guess that her real life lacks sufficient prey
for her to sharpen her fangs on. Pitty.
(Mike Golobay) 
Gett a liffe.
(Sim Aberson) 

ObCuteYoungStudlyThings: Do you think I might be able to
wrangle some time alone with Stephen Dorff and Carlos Lopez,
together?
(Arne Adolfsen) 
Not in the forseeable future. Carlos is still spending his
time not trying to get out of my locked guest bedroom.
(Sim Aberson) 

So, I learn a new term -- macroburst, which is defined as a
downburst on the misoscale.
(Sim Aberson) 
Is that like one of those thunderstorms with embedded tofu we
keep hearing about?
(Lee Rudolph) 
Yes. They're the main source of soyl moisture.
(Sim Aberson) 

Michael Thomas is ... a great big fluffy happy plush toy whom
everyone wants to hold and squeeze and call George.
(Sim Aberson) 

I'm talking about protecting the Iraqi people and others from
a savage dictator and his son.
(David Kaye) 
Daddy Bush was actually elected and held a free election
toward the end of his term, so I don't see calling him a
dictator.
(Sim Aberson) 

Aceves, Richard

I used to catch Star Trek once in a while in France. The best
dubbed episode was with the Gorn: the butch, lizard-y thing
with cubic zirconias for eyes. He ended up sounding like one
of many Parisian cafe workers who would shout out "grande
creme" or whatever to the person tending bar. Perhaps the
Gorn smoked Gitanes?
(Richard Aceves) 

We're thinking of having a bi-party at our place in about two
weeks. It will be drug-free, alcohol-free, etc.
(Tom Limoncelli) 
"Etc.?" Food-free? Dust-free? Republican-free? What is this,
a get-together or an advertisement for moral Windex?
(Richard Aceves) 

Squirrels are kinda cute, I admit, but they shouldn't try
flying. They aren't built for it.
(Gene Smith) 
Which is why, on the eighth day, God created Cessna.
(Richard Aceves) 

Ask him [Matthew Melmon] why no-one in the Cabal Noir has
ever seen him naked.
(Nick Fitch) 
You never asked. We run into each other regularly in the
locker room at the Fatness Center. In case you are wondering,
he looks like a dwarf Wookie randomly attacked by an Epilady.
(Richard Aceves) 

I have "Instrumental Gold" from K-Tel in my vinyl collection.
The only reason I didn't throw it out in a post-pubertal
attack of tastefulness was because I never throw my records
and tapes away, no matter how awful, scratched or tacky they
might be.
(Nick Fitch) 
It can safely be said that if there were no people like Nick
Fitch, there would be no Franklin Mint.
(Richard Aceves) 

Do you think that [putatively outrageous] behavior and
attitude was justifiable under the circumstances?
(Doug Goodridge) 
I think I've got your attitude about this down. We don't need
to go on about this any further: Doug: I'd like to be treated
equally, please. Heterosexual America: Will that be paper or
plastic?
(Richard Aceves) 

... Absolut Citroen (the only vodka I can drink)
(Matthew Melmon) 
I'm told that's excellent in cocktails, particularly the
Molotov. Which do you prefer: the diesel or the gasoline
infusion?
(Kristin Bergen) 
... Absolut Citroen (the only vodka I can drink)
(Matthew Melmon) 
That must have tasted positively *awful*. What are the
predominant notes: muffler, dashboard, or head gasket?
(Richard Aceves) 

The *only* thing nice about United Airlines is that they pipe
ATC back to the passengers' seats. Here, your infrequent
correspondent encounters the following while in 22F awaiting
flight 2965 to Las Vegas from San Francisco. The DC-10 is
flight 70:

UA2965: Ground, United two niner six five, push gate 73 with
Xray.
SFO: United two niner six five roger, hold for company DC-10
pushing back in alleyway. Yankee is now current, wind one
three zero at one four, altimeter two niner eight six.
UA70: Ground, United 70 heavy holding for previous traffic
passing behind me. Are we clear? Is he bye?
Unidentified voice #1: Why don't you ask him.
Unidentified voice #2: This is San Francisco, after all.
SFO: I am staying out of this.

(Richard Aceves) 

Adolfsen, Arne

Speaking of gastronomy, have I ever served you that meal for
40 guests, "Spam in Allium"?
(Steve Dyer) 
No. Tallis about it.
(Arne Adolfsen) 

I think it highly unlikely that the sight of Madonna jiggling
around in a parking garage singing "Borderline" will strike
people 50 years hence with the same force that people are
struck with even today when they see Marlene Dietrich in a
tuxedo kissing a woman full on the lips in the 62-year old
"Morocco".
(Arne Adolfsen) 

You've never seen a slutty outfit until you've seen Jane
Russell's big showgirl outfit in "The French Line." It makes
Madonna's cone-tit outfit look like something from off the
rack in the Cheryl Tiegs boutique at Sears.
(Arne Adolfsen) 

Keep in mind that a talent for camp cannot be learned -- you
either have it, or you've had it.
(Arne Adolfsen) 

My one question now is: what's HWP? The phrase turns up in a
lot of the ads.
(George Reilly) 
Happy When Porked? Hot Wax Pig? Handy With Pliers? Habitually
Whining Princess?
(Arne Adolfsen) 

It seems to me that the people who are fighting amongst
themselves to get into position to lick Perot's billion
dollar asshole are the same people who've spent the last 10+
years responding to corporate America's great "we" campaign.
US magazine, USA Today, Newsweek and Time, and now the NY
Times "*We* think that X is Y", Good Morning America, Rock
Star Benefits to Feed the Hungry, Stop Global Warming, Save
Family Farms, End Racism, whatever, "We Are the World", blah
blah blah blah. This is not a real "we", which would imply an
individual commitment to, or a self-identification with, a
collective; rather, it's a packaged-commodity "we." Don't
presume to speak for *us* unless you know who *we* are.
(Arne Adolfsen) 

Oh yes, the sentimentality for "unborn babies," but apparent
lack of concern for "born babies." What are you once you
*are* born? Pre-dead?
(Arne Adolfsen) 

Should I do something about the way I feel, or just follow
along with everyone else? I'm a research engineer.
(Lawrence Clarke) 
A motsseur who's currently without net access suggested the
perfect solution to your problem: next year, why don't you
march in Omaha's parade with a slide rule pinned to your
sweater?
(Arne Adolfsen) 

I think Ketelby gives Delius a run for his money.
(Arne Adolfsen) 

I dislike Lillian Hellman because she was a grandstanding,
opportunistic plagiarist and self-mythologizer whose writing
is just barely competent. I *do* have an aversion to the kind
of thinking that equates popular success with artistic value.
Lillian Hellman, that old fraud, was terribly successful in
marketing her shabby wares. That does not make her an artist.
(Arne Adolfsen) 

Are you perhaps under the misapprehension that I intended to
be fair about this?
(Arne Adolfsen) 

How do I decline penis for carpe as in carpe diem?
(Steven Eastman) 
I *never* decline a penis no matter the occasion.
(Arne Adolfsen) 

Comparing "Einstein on the Beach" to, say, "Don Carlos" is
like comparing grape Koolaid to a 1969 Charmes-Chambertin --
they're both wet and reddish-purplish, true, but that's all
they have in common.
(Arne Adolfsen) 

[I'm] only half Puerto Rican, but the other half is Italian.
(B. Gonzales) 
Which half is Puerto Rican?
(Arne Adolfsen) 

Perhaps better kill files are called for.
(Terry Bartlett) 
Ones that actually kill?
(Arne Adolfsen) 

There is only one institution of higher learning in North
America that is older than William and Mary.
(Sandy Smith) 
The Wilfred Beauty Academy?
(Arne Adolfsen) 

My reaction to Halperin, I admit, has to do with my sense
that he's one of those most loathesome and superficial of
fags: a size queen.
(Arne Adolfsen) 

Arne Adolfsen is 23 *again*.
(Jess Anderson) 
It amuses me to no end that Arne and I are the same age.
Beth, who does plan to turn 24 next summer
(Beth Linker) 
Quitter.
(Arne Adolfsen) 

Agarrat, Donald

My great-great-great-grandfather, Samuel McIlvaine, fought as
a member of the 10th Indiana Volunteer Infantry. He died
during the [Civil] war.
(Clayton Cramer) 
All the good it does me. He's dead and you're alive.
(Donald Agarrat) 

Sometimes I catch myself thinking about my father and I
wonder what I did. I do so many things just like him, and I
look just like him. I look in the mirror and my face morphs
into his. Neglect and abandonment justified from the pulpit
and the Oval Office don't belong in the life of a child. It
still hurts.
(Donald Agarrat) 

Allen, John M

Removing philosophy from philosophy of science leaves you
nothing.
(John M. Allen) 

Amspoker, Scott

I am against any so-called "rights" which are really coercive
interference into the right of Freedom Of Association.
(Phil Ronzone) 
Who you invite into your house is your freedom of
association. Beyond that it is simply a territorial battle.
No one is forcing you to ever leave the house where your
freedom of association ends.
(Scott Amspoker) 

Like many folks, I sometimes wonder about the dubious use of
the term "lifestyle" when discussing homosexual men and
women. I really can't figure out what is meant by it. At what
point does something become a "lifestyle". If I watch
"Startrek" each week, am I living a "Startrek lifestyle?"
Does one have to spend a certain number of waking hours doing
something to declare it a lifestyle? Are we all living a
"Usenet lifestyle?"
(Scott Amspoker) 

20/20 has usually been gay positive in the past. They even
did a piece a couple of years ago about the curable disease
called Homophobia.
(Scott Amspoker) 

Bigots love to be bigots. They'll defend it to someone else's
death. They know that the intent of their bigotry is to hurt
yet they insist on denying that their bigotry has a negative
influence on others fearing some kind of backlash. Bigots
are, after all, cowards.
(Scott Amspoker) 

I'm waiting for a "scientific paper" to conclude that
homosexuality is natural because it has been observed in
humans.
(Scott Amspoker) 

You can goddamned well take your sorry fucking ass right out
of here, and right quick, before the troops turn mean. I
believe it's well past the time when they should have done
so.
(Jess Anderson) 
For people here, arrogance, bad manners, and filthy language
almost seem a badge of honor.
(Walter Smith) 
If you can't understand how you managed to bring out such
ugliness in other people then that's just one more thing for
you to think about. Perhaps the next time a gay rights law is
on the ballot you can vote against it to teach everybody a
lesson in manners.
(Scott Amspoker) 

Someone once griped at me about these so-called "homosexual
meeting places." All I could do to respond was explain that
the rest of the surface area of the planet had already been
designated as a "heterosexual meeting place."
(Scott Amspoker) 

Anderson, Jay

I'm beginning to wonder whether this Jay Anderson chap does
*anything* other than wince and feel uncomfortable and make
snippy little moral pronouncementlets. I understand he's held
in high regard by some people: would someone please take a
moment to explain his grooviness to me?
(Charlie Fulton) 
*Wince* I'm very uncomfortable with this, Charlie.
(Jay Anderson) 

Arrants, Stephen

Debbie Harry, of course, is both the Lulu and the Leslie Gore
of the '70s (or is that '80s?).
(Stephen Arrants) 

Ascherman, James

Remember the French philosopher Verlaine who said "I do not
agree with what you say, but I will fight to the death for
your right to say it."
(James Ascherman) 

Asente, Paul

Anecdote reported in today's Herb Caen column: A shuttle from
S.F. to the airport stopped to pick up a bunch of "Queer
Nation types" (whatever that means) on the way to Houston to
protest at the convention. A delegate to the convention was
already on the shuttle, and after a few "Thank God for AIDS"
and "It's either them or me" remarks was last seen trying to
hail a taxi.
(Paul Asente) 

I had a great experience the other day...as I was going into
the grocery store a woman asked me to sign a Perot petition.
I just looked at her sweetly and said, "I'm sorry, I'm a
homosexual and an adulterer. I don't think he'd want my
support." I don't think I've ever seen anyone look so stunned
in my entire life.
(Paul Asente) 

There is more to life than the avoidance of death.
(Paul Asente) 

Averti

My problem with "grow the company", which I hear all the
time, is that it makes it sound like we're gardening. This
isn't gardening.
(Ellen Evans) 
Alas, "proactive" still sounds odd to me.
(Brad Macdonald) 
I tend to be antiactive, myself, particularly until the cool
weather returns. As for "growing" a company, one can also
grow fungus, rust, warts, and wattles. Often by a sort of
proactive inaction.
(Averti) 

Ballard, Mary

Member of The Sacred Synergy:
To become a member you must undergo our torturously painful
initiation rites. The uninitiated are not given any
information about our beliefs, rituals or social customs,
save one: we worship wooly mammoths.
(Mary Ballard) 

Lord honey, I was listening to Black Sabbath and beatin' up
boys long before I knew a damn thing about research.
(Mary Ballard) 

Wockner International News runs in just about 100 gay
newspapers in 20-some countries.
(Rex Wockner) 
And "Baywatch" is the most popular TV show in the world. Your
point?
(Stephanie Smith) 
At least "Baywatch" has tits.
(Mary Ballard) 

George W. Bush is the very portrait of affability, and he's
gotten way ahead by staying cool in numerous confrontational
situations.
(Christian Molick) 
Well, when you have no idea what people are talking about,
it's hard to get angry.
(Mary Ballard) 

Which hell would you choose? Choice #1 [...] Choice #2 [...]
( Neo) 
If two levels of hell are all you can come up with, you are
either very young or very unimaginative, either of which is
its own hell.
(Mary Ballard) 

Barkocy, Muffy

In theory, there is no difference between theory and
practice. In practice, there is.
(Muffy Barkocy) 

Baron, Jeff

Being human does not excuse us from being ignorant, or
professing ignorance.
(Jeff Baron) 

These people are the worst; people who don't agree with the
bigots, but for some reason argue that it is okay to be a
bigot; that the fact that a bigot has a right to their own
beliefs must somehow translate into standing by while those
beliefs are dispensed like poison from a snake in a public
forum.
(Jeff Baron) 

We do not need anyone's approval to exist. We already exist,
and we will become more and more visible, until every person
in this country not only knows someone with AIDS, but knows
someone that is gay. They may hate that person, but they will
know who that person is.
(Jeff Baron) 

Bartlett, Terry

There comes a time when it ceases to be flirting and it
becomes foreplay.
(Terry Bartlett) 

Barts, David

The universities in the ex-USSR had departments devoted to
Marxist-Leninist ideology; universities in the US have
business schools.
(David Barts) 

Batchelor, Mike

Natural vs. unnatural is a pretty worthless distinction.
(Greg Parkinson) 
Only to someone such as yourself, with a deliberate
disability to perceive the difference.
(Bob Sarver) 
But easy for someone like you, who can manufacture the
difference on the spot.
(Mike Batchelor) 

[On Jesse Helms's by-pass operation:] (quoting) "There was no
mention of any difficulty in finding the heart. Surgeons also
replaced a faulty heart valve with another taken from a pig,
so there should be no question of tissue incompatibility."

The pig tissue might reject him.
(Mike Batchelor) 

I hate shopping, but I love buying...
(Mike Batchelor) 

Heterosexuals invented artificial insemination.
(Mike Batchelor) 

Speaking of the lurkers, I have read that they number in the
thousands. 15,000, I think, was the figure cited. How the
hell does anyone know this? If they are all as quiet as
church motss, how can you know they are there?
(Mike Batchelor) 

Sinbad is to humor as Rush Limbaugh is to thought.
(Mike Batchelor) 

Does anyone else discern the same lack of style, substance,
and wit in this post as in all the privileged rich-boy fag
Republican fleabag's other posts?
(Jim Halat) 
What crawled up your butt and died? Rex Reed?
(Mike Batchelor) 

Bear, Greg

Natural selection won't matter soon, not anywhere as much as
conscious selection. We will civilize and alter ourselves to
suit our ideas of what we can be. Within one more human
lifespan, we will have changed ourselves unrecognizably.
(Greg Bear) 

Bell, Patrick

"Butch" is a look. "Nellie" is a way of life.
(Patrick Bell) 

Bergen, Dana

You can make all the rational points you want about it, but
jealousy has nothing to do with rational thinking.
(Dana Bergen) 

If anyone could be considered to be tagging along, it is the
white-middle-class-conventional-conservative-monogamous-
gay-men now benefitting from the past and present efforts of
those with less to lose.
(Dana Bergen) 

Bergen, Kristin

Subject: Re: the verb QUEER
I suppose this is an important exception (and certainly one
that colors the verb QUEER as queer), but since I don't hang
out with kweer theory people (my loss, I'm sure), this usage
is only visual for me -- title, sure; verb in conversation,
no.
(Kenneth Ashton Callicott) 
How can you help hanging out with kweer theory people, since
everyone is a kweer theory person in their very own way? You
might in fact have hung out with one without having known it.
They're sneaky that way.
(Kristin Bergen) 

Bernardo, Rob

I am many things, and it seems artificial to rank them. At
dinner time, I'm hungry first.
(Rob Bernardo) 

I'm not sure why you seem to be referring to homosexuality as
a lifestyle. It's a sexual orientation, and has very little
to do with the style in which one conducts one's life.
Furthermore sexual orientation is not a behavior (although it
can motivate a behavior); sexual orientation is a feature of
the mind. Additionally, it is not known whether sexual
orientation is due to nature or nurture, but it is certainly
not chosen (i.e. in a conscious way), say in the way someone
chooses a college or an employer. And finally, *even if* if
was a matter of choice, the distinction you make between no
control and choice is irrelevant: religious and political
belief and marital status are things we *do* have control
over, and yet as a society we believe no one should be
discriminated against on those grounds.
(Rob Bernardo) 

The goodness of morals depends upon what the morals say, not
just the fact that they are morals.
(Rob Bernardo) 

Evil doesn't exist outside of people's desires to do bad
things. It's simply a label for a person's characteristics.
(Rob Bernardo) 

The Kinsey scale less its sexual orientation content is
simply an empty scale, a set of consecutive numbers. Scales
can be used for lots of things. Scales are used in music. And
fish have scales. There are also the scales of justice.
(Rob Bernardo) 

Saying that the just overturned systems of eastern Europe are
proof the socialism isn't good or doesn't work, is sort of
like saying that a particular Christian church that failed in
producing ethical behavior in its adherents is proof that we
need to abandon the Golden Rule and start being nasty to each
other.
(Rob Bernardo) 

Certe, Toto, sentio nos in Kansate non iam adesse. For those
who don't know Latin: Breath mints, Toto, send to the nose of
Kansas no dog food from Odessa. "Nose of" is the Latin
equivalent of our expression "armpit of"; the Romans didn't
think highly of that part of the face.
(Rob Bernardo) 

I thought someone was promiscuous if they slept with as many
people as I only wish to. I thought someone was a slut if
they slept with more people than I'd wish to.
(Rob Bernardo) 

The moment they stop taking it up the ass and in the mouth is
the day they can start telling me what to do.
(Bil Snodgrass) 
While an anti-gay hypocrite is worse than an anti-gay
non-hypocrite, neither can start telling us what to do.
(Rob Bernardo) 

Having a purpose that conflicts with some moral
responsibility does not *in itself* excuse one from that
moral responsibility.

We're a street gang. We're here to reclaim our manhood. We're
allowed to beat up fags when they interfere with our manhood.

We're Fundamentalists. We're here to show you Jesus. We're
allowed to work against people's civil liberties when they
conflict with our religion.

We're a corporation. We're here to make a profit. We're
allowed to do something that makes the world a worse place.

(Rob Bernardo) 

Using the term "family values" is like using the term
"morals". Ya know, everyone's got morals unless of course
they don't follow mine.
(Rob Bernardo) 

To some extent any use of language (and conceptual
categories) distorts reality by coercing instances into
types.
(Rob Bernardo) 

What does promiscuous mean today -- more sex than you are
getting or more sex than I am getting?
(Rob Bernardo) 

I can understand the desire we have to label ourselves, to
find some pre-existing category into which we can stuff
ourselves for a feeling of identification. But most anytime
you try to reduce something to a category you run into
problems, because almost all the time the world just doesn't
fit into categories.
(Rob Bernardo) 

Berno, Anthony

If you wouldn't do it with an HIV+ person, consider not doing
it at all!
(Anthony Berno) 

Quite frankly, the reason that I would never release source
code is that it is just too embarrassing! Letting someone see
source is sort of like letting someone see your underwear. No
matter how clean it is, it's always going to seem a bit dirty
to the owner.
(Anthony Berno) 

A fag is... a big ugly hairy woman with a penis.
(Unknown nitwit) 
Egad! Call Artimus Page! I'm heterosexual after all! I never
wanted men, all I wanted was a big hairy woman with a
penis!!!! Now that I have shed this terrible homosex disease,
I can live a happy, fulfilling, AIDS-free life with my hairy
penised woman. We will have sex only in the missionary
position, and go to church every Sunday. We will eat Wonder
bread and twinkies. Oh, life is fine indeed when one is
normal. Perhaps, though, she should change her name. "John"
just isn't a womanly appellation.
(Anthony Berno) 

Being oppressed does not make one any more virtuous than one
would be otherwise. Even knowing the taste of oppression
oneself does not prevent the mechanisms whereby "enemies" are
dehumanized so that the concept of oppression seems to no
longer apply to them. (To what degree such accusations of
oppression by the oppressed are themselves engineered by the
oppressors is another question, a very complicated one at
that.)
(Anthony Berno) 

The formerly and currently oppressed are by far the greatest
driving force behind ending oppression for everyone. While
racism and sexism are rampant among the gay community, gays
and lesbians are also leaders in the battle against these
same forces. This is by no means a contradiction, of course;
we all know that the gay community is far from homogeneous,
and we should not expect any group to consist entirely of
saints or villains.
(Anthony Berno) 

Might I go so far as to argue that being oppressed often
*leads* to bigotry? If someone is raised in an environment of
blatant oppression, where there is always a clearly defined
"us" and "them", it becomes very difficult to learn to be
tolerant. If oppression is all one knows, it can become the
only thing one knows how to do oneself.
(Anthony Berno) 

I'm reluctant to give particular examples of this [being
oppressive when oppression is all one knows], because the
examples I can give are, by their very nature, highly
politically charged. But a few come to mind, like misogyny in
the gay community, misandry among lesbians, gang justice
among black South Africans, the treatment of perceived
counterrevolutionaries among guerillas in El Salvador, etc.
(Anthony Berno) 

Why aren't there any gay-nerd-bear bars, anyway? Ones where
bear programmers network their computers through glory holes
and exchange filthy email? Now, there's a market!
(Anthony Berno) 

The things we value in our lives are not valuable for their
permanence, but for their ability to give us pleasure for
today and experience for tomorrow.
(Anthony Berno) 

Every loss has as a necessary prerequisite the possession of
something wonderful. The possession of something wonderful
has as an inevitable consequence its loss. If you don't have
loss, you have nothing.
(Anthony Berno) 

Courting Catholics is like trying to put out a fire with an
eyedropper. Sometimes, you have to let the fire burn a while,
even make it worse, while you run up the river to break the
dam.
(Anthony Berno) 

Bishop, Jim

A newspaper is lumber made malleable. It is ink made into
words and pictures. It is conceived, born, grows up and dies
of old age in a day.
(Jim Bishop) 

Black, Christina

There is still no known reason for lesbianism.
(+Unknown) 
Oh, c'mon. What about Susan Sarandon? She's a great reason
for lesbianism. Also Jamie Lee Curtis -- yum! And of course,
let's not forget Warren Beatty, a stunningly good reason for
lesbianism.
(Christina Black) 

Bohlman, Eric

Americans seem to have an anti-incremental bias. We seem to
think that progress comes as the result of a few gifted
people leading us in great leaps and bounds, not as the
cumulative result of lots of small actions on the part of
ordinary people. Some people have called this the
"homer-hitter" mentality. We want Killer Apps and Big
Breakthroughs, not slow but steady improvement. We have
trouble achieving our goals, not because we set them too
high, but because we expect to achieve them all in one step.
We seem to have collectively read The Little Engine That
Couldn't in our youth: "if you don't succeed on the very
first try, you don't have what it takes to succeed." We think
that winning is a result of being a winner and losing the
result of being a loser, not the other way around. It's
become a national disease.
(Eric Bohlman) 

I've been informed that even those bear types who are safety
oriented are bad partners because lube gets caught up in all
that hair and makes them really icky to fool around with.
(Derik Cowan) 
To make this a fair comparison, you have to include the risks
of twinksex, such as embolisms caused by the injection of air
entering a partner's one ear and exiting the other.
(Eric Bohlman) 

Ever notice how a religious extremist's notion of how God
behaves is pretty close to a little kid's experience of how
an abusive alcoholic father behaves?
(Eric Bohlman) 

Bond, Clay

Were we the ones who called the shots, there would be no
institutional discrimination against us.
(Clay Bond) 

Stupidity is evil waiting to happen.
(Clay Bond) 

I got up April Fools' Day, stumbled into the kitchen to make
coffee, and stepped on Mr. Wasp. He objected to being stepped
on; I objected to his objection. I shared my feelings about
this with Mr. Wasp, nurturingly of course, and I'm sure he
was quite in touch with his Inner Larva as I squished him
into pate de wasp noir on the kitchen floor. I think I woke
the whole neighborhood as I shared ...
(Clay Bond) 

When ducks are too stupid to realize that they are ducks,
they will insist that you are "mud-slinging" or making "cheap
shots" if you call them ducks.
(Clay Bond) 

"Power of expression" and "creativity" are luxuries available
only to those who can write. You cannot make Poulet a la
Vallee d'Auge if you do not know how to use the stove.
(Clay Bond) 

There is an important distinction between prejudice and
bigotry which we often gloss over. Prejudice results from
misinformation and lack of exposure, and can be eradicated by
education; bigotry is obstinate, having begun as prejudice,
but now blind and irrational. The bigot cannot be educated,
because he/she actively refuses to give up his/her blindness,
even in the face of information.
(Clay Bond) 

One must first be sentient to be wrong.
(Clay Bond) 

If we promise to miss you will you leave, or are we going to
have to get out the salt?
(Clay Bond) 

There is an important distinction between prejudice and
bigotry which we often gloss over. Prejudice results from
misinformation and lack of exposure, and can be eradicated by
education; bigotry is obstinate, having begun as prejudice,
but now blind and irrational. The bigot cannot be educated,
because he/she actively refuses to give up his/her blindness,
even in the face of information.
(Clay Bond) 
A very useful distinction, which I quote in case anyone
missed it the first time around.
(David Christopher Rogers) 
Useful only so long as we remember that faggots and dykes are
no less fond of their own hateful ignorances, and no less
prone to hug the security blanket of their own bigotries.
(Clay Bond) 

If you were arrested, would you get down on your knees and
gratefully thank the cop for not beating you to death as
well?
(Clay Bond) 

I pity you if you feel that the "support" of fair-weather
"friends" is more important than self-respect. Such "friends"
offer no support, but rather slavery in a different cell:
that of their approval.
(Clay Bond) 

Anyone whose grasp of reality is so tenuous that they are
scared away by phosphors on a screen is seriously neurotic
and needs to be seeing a psychiatrist.
(Clay Bond) 

You must be able to grasp a point before you can make one.
(Clay Bond) 

Rosa von Praunheim should get a job which would better
utilize his magnificent talent -- bagging groceries, for
example.
(Clay Bond) 

All the sick people, where do they all come from?
(Johnny W.) 
Illanor Rigby ...
(Clay Bond) 

[Fran Lebowitz is] a boring one-note comedy writer and failed
gay man-wannabe from the 1970s who's better left ignored.
(Arne Adolfsen) 
Much like you, dear.
(Clay Bond) 

I'll leave that to better minds to answer
(Bill Lindemann) 
Apparently, that's your only option.
(Clay Bond) 

Bothner, Per

Now a word to the wise: if you go out to the nekkid beach, be
sure to use 44 on your privates. Leather weenie is really
unattractive.
(Michael Thomas) 
Some of us still have Nature's Protection ...
(Per Bothner) 

Boutwell, Bob

Sure is quiet in here. The sound of one hand clapping, usenet
style.
(John McGinnis) 
Shhh. I'm listening to the swishing of the pricks.
(Joseph C Fineman) 
Hey, watch your language! Not all of us swishes are pricks!
(Bob Boutwell) 

Briskin, Allen

Are we turning into a Roman Empire with TV?
(Mark S. Roberts) 
Contemporary architecture should be half as good.
(Allen Briskin) 

Death alters one's place in society.
(Allen Briskin) 

Death is a disempowering experience.
(Allen Briskin) 

This has been for me a dizzying waltz, and I'm suffering from
what seems to be Post Traumatic Strauss Disorder.
(Allen Briskin) 

One who continues to describe his adult relationships in the
same terms as his abused childhood is not describing what
others do to him; he's describing how he conducts his
relationships with others.
(Allen Briskin) 

Mars implies; Venus infers.
(Lee Rudolph) 
Mars commands; Venus entices.
Mars barks; Venus purrs.
Mars bites; Venus licks.
Mars presumes; Venus assumes.
(Jess Anderson) 
Mars has a candy bar!
(Jake Coughlin) 
Mars longa. Vita brevis.
(Allen Briskin) 

You're more likely a vampire: "This is my blood. Drink ye of
it."
(Jess Anderson) 
Always the gracious Host.
(Allen Briskin) 

Is there a 12 step program for blatant stereotypers?
(Ken Rudolph) 
The first step is admitting that *people like that* have a
problem.
(Allen Briskin) 

Broekman, Jennifer

Could we play on their fears of other sexualities enough to
get them to prevent the state from sanctioning any
orientation at all? Could we prevent them from making that
any orientation other than heterosexuality? I hate to say it,
but I don't think we're going to be able to stop the flood by
trying to block it. We have to start turning it the way we
want it to go, or drown.
(Jennifer Broekman) 

Brooks, Martin

People have a lot of control over whether or not they will
like living in a new place. It has a lot to do with attitude.
Of course, even the best of attitudes don't come with a
guarantee.
(Martin Brooks) 

When I see the drag queens and butch hairy people in totally
revealing leather, I feel kinda creepy and ashamed. I don't
want the general public to think that we dress and act like
that.
(Lawrence Clarke) 
But we *do* dress and act like that. You may not, I may not,
and many others may not, but "we," as the queer community at
large, do indeed dress and act like that. The message the
general public needs to comprehend is that we all deserve
equal protection under the law regardless of whether or not
we choose to be assimilationists. Just be what you want to
be; let everyone else do the same.
(Martin Brooks) 

When I see the drag queens and butch hairy people in totally
revealing leather, I feel kinda creepy and ashamed.
(Lawrence Clarke) 
Perhaps you'd claim some of these "creepy" people if you got
to know them better. After all, we might not be marching in
Pride Parades or posting to soc.motss if it weren't for the
"creepy" people. (You call that creepy, my pretty? I'll give
you creepy; how about your garden-variety, militant,
Christo-fascist, funda-gelical homophobe with a bad hairdo?)
Another thing, what right does the general public have to
judge us anyway? From where I sit, the general public seems
quite indisputably fucked up.
(Martin Brooks) 

Bryan, Michael

Reminds me of the final in a Discrete & Combinatorial
Mathematics course at Rose-Hulman. The professor was very
strict about no food/drink in his class, yet two guys came in
for the final, and were eating grapes. He asked them to get
rid of them; the response was, "But Dr. Grimaldi, these are
Abelian Grapes!"
(Michael Bryan) 

Buckmire, Ron

I just burst out laughing so hard in the CS Lab all the
people around me started looking nervous and whispering "Oh
God! What are the homosexuals happy about now?"
(Ron Buckmire) 

Burlingham, Ann

I would love to take mass transit or a bike to work, but it's
not in the cars.
(John Whiteside) 
Very nice. More Boston surrealism?
(Ann Burlingham) 

I *am* butch! I even cut myself snapping kindling for the
wood-burning stove.
(Bob Donahue) 
The Truly Butch do not notice mere scratches or minor
dismemberments.
(Ann Burlingham) 

I will stand behind that assessment until the very day I die.
Dolly. Parton. Is. An. Airhead.
(John Dorrance) 
All right, John, *you're* the expert, after all.
(Ann Burlingham) 

I vote for El Paso too. That's where my grandmother was born,
for a reason apparent to no-one else.
(Harry Kaplan) 
Probably for a reason similar to my father's for being born
in Manila: his mother was there.
(Ann Burlingham) 

I've recently become involved with the Reading Comprehension
Relief Fund, the Usenet organization devoted to providing
clues and smacks upside the head to those in need. Resources
have never kept up with the demand, but the recent saturation
of posts from Mr. Special K and the Real Smart Lawyer and the
Man in Black and all the rest have surely demonstrated to all
with a normal supply of reading comprehension the desperate
straits we are in. A Reading Comprehension Disaster Area has
been declared. Please, please, all who can, give now, give
generously! Give the benefit of your understanding, a clue, a
word to the... well, that is a problem, isn't it... Oh, no!
It's too late! Clear the disaster area now! Don't drain any
of your own skills by tossing them into the void. Run! Run!
Run for your lives and your sanity!
(Ann Burlingham) 

[Of Alan Miles:] Will one of you little ladies be so kind as
to lop him?
(Mike Thomas) 
-{snick}-
(Kathryn Burlingham) 
Thank you.
(Mike Thomas) 
My pleasure.
(Kathryn Burlingham) 
Oh, and a brewski from the fridge while you're up...
(Mike Thomas) 
-{snick}- Whoops! We can sew that back on! Where's my needle...
(Kathryn Burlingham) 
Don't mix them up, now.
(Ann Burlingham) 

What does Miss Manners have to say about correcting your
elders?
(Jake Coughlin ) 
Start early?
(Ann Burlingham) 

What does MOTSS mean?
(Rollo Silver) 
What *doesn't* it mean? Mostly, our trusty survey shows, many
of the silly senders mosey on to several sites, mainly on the
so-called Superhighway. Members of the same sex mark our
sensitive souls, most of them staying silently. Merrily
obfuscating tired subjects slyly, Ann
(Ann Burlingham) 

You'll be suprised how carefully I watch my back.
(Mike Lane) 
That can't be difficult, considering that your head's on
backwards.
(Ann Burlingham) 

There should be an equivalent of Godwin's law for the word
"subtext".
(Jack Hamilton) 
Could you contextualize that?
(Ann Burlingham) 

Back when Ronald Reagan was president, he used to claim that
he didn't dye his hair, despite not showing any gray at his
age. My father's comment on this was, "I guess that he has
his barber dye it for him!"
(John F. Eldredge) 
My aunt, at the age of 76 (nearly 77) has maybe three grey
hairs on her head.
(Kathryn Burlingham) 
Mine too!
(Ann Burlingham) 

Why demand that people change when manipulation and
deviousness are so much more amusing?
(Ann Burlingham) 

I think it's a pity nobody says "Stuff!" anymore.
(Robert Coren) 
After the nasty breakup with Nonsense, Stuff kept going
around with It, and nearly everyone dropped them.
(Ann Burlingham) 

[Responding to an idiot] Why would cultural difference make
one unsuitable for military service?
(Gwendolyn Dean) 
Because if people are different, we're supposed to *kill*
them.
(Ann Burlingham) 

-{reading note}-: not everyone marks their sarcasm with tags.
(Ellen Evans) 
No!
(Ann Burlingham) 

Since when does sitting up until all hours reading and
playing freecell/minesweeper count as debauchery?
(John Dorrance) 
Anything *you* do is debauched.
(Ann Burlingham) 

I'm the *younger* sister. Pearls!
(Kathryn Burlingham) 
Swine!
(Ann Burlingham) 

Miss Pythia.
(Mike McKinley) 
I ever saw a pythia queen.
(Ann Burlingham) 

This is one of my pet peeves.
(David Fenton) 
It's a wonder you have room for the menagerie.
(Ann Burlingham) 

My mother cried because it took her longer than a couple
weeks to get pregnant. I thought we took *forever*.
(Ann Burlingham) 
So you're saying there was a *lot* of sex.
(Ellen Evans) 
I *knew* there was something we were doing wrong.
(Ann Burlingham) 

It looked so much like [rain] this morning that I took the
big umbrella to work.
(Kevin Vail) 
When do you take the small umbrella?
(Jack Hamilton) 
When his drink comes in a coconut.
(Ann Burlingham) 

I had much older siblings.
(Mike McKinley) 
Cain and Abel?
(Ann Burlingham) 

Gayness is for independent characters and for courageous and
clever people capable of standing up to adversity.
(Kingsix) 
No, it's for you, too.
(Ann Burlingham) 

Burlingham, Kathryn

I was being inundated with visions of lesbian sheep.
(Kathryn Burlingham) 
And this is bad?
(Michael Palmer) 
My tastes range widely, but they do not run to sheep.
(Kathryn Burlingham) 

Callicott, Kenneth Ashton

Walking back to the hotel from the the theater, I passed
through Times Square and down some forty-something street,
where there were alternating boob and dick live shows. It was
very odd.
(Matthew Melmon) 
If this isn't the quintessential small-town-boy-visits-a-
big-city statement, I don't know what is.
(Kenneth Ashton Callicott) 

Now can we please end the limerick game, before I really go
nuts!
(Ken Rudolph) 
Ken Rudolph goes nuts.
The gathered Academy
Gossips about him.
(Kenneth Ashton Callicott) 

Some of us do not squat. We plié. Then again, I'm the
higher-priced spread.
(Mike McKinley) 
"I Can't Believe It's Not Butcher!"
(Kenneth Ashton Callicott) 

Capps, Brent

Communist (CAHM-ee) n. 1. Member of the Communist Party. 2. A
legendary boogeyman appearing only in fundraising letters.
Any actual resemblance between (1) and (2) is purely
coincidental. See Red. Pinko (PINK-oh) n. 1. An all-purpose
innuendo used to imply that your opponent may be a homosexual
when you don't have any actual evidence and don't want to be
sued for libel, in which case you can maintain that, really,
pink is just a shade of red, honest. See the pyramids along
the Nile. Sympathizer (CAHM-ee-SIMP) n. 1. Your opponent in
any election. See Stooge. Tinkerbell (TINK-er-bell) n. 1. A
cutesy way of calling someone homosexual without sounding too
harsh or making your meaning clear enough to be sued for
libel. See Nancy Boy, limp wristed, mince.
(Brent Capps) 

If you want to fight discrimination, you must first make the
injustice visible.
(Brent Capps) 

This should not be accomplished by holding the stereotype
homosexuals down, but rather by working with the gray masses.
(Baard Kjos) 
I agree. We stereotypes shouldn't be held down. We should be
securely *tied* down. Gray is quite a nice accent to black
leather, too.
(Brent Capps) 

I haven't engaged in any sexual activity with anyone in over
a year. Am I no longer gay?
(Arne Adolfsen) 
No, I'm afraid you've been downgraded to amusing.
(Brent Capps) 

I thought leather *was* sort of like church. I worship it on
my knees...
(Brent Capps) 

It is, however, possible to be a "popular" obnoxious fuck
with a big mouth.
(Matthew Melmon) 
I will defer to your greater experience in this regard.
(Brent Capps) 

Carlson, Ann

I have a difficult time dealing with your anger, my friend,
when I have done something to hurt you. I am afraid to trust
that when your anger is gone you will still love me. But when
I know what I have done I can modify my behavior, or
apologize, or explain. And, then I hope that we can be
reconciled. But I am terrified when I am included in your
anger but I cannot pinpoint the cause within myself. I am
afraid that this anger will be between us forever, and I feel
helpless and vulnerable because I can find nothing to do
about it.
(Ann Carlson) 

Family values mean a lot to me, good things, and I don't like
to see the term slandered.
(Ann Carlson) 

Carpenter, Scott

Man has no Body distinct from his Soul; for that call'd Body
is a portion of Soul discern'd by the five Senses, the chief
inlets of Soul in this age.
(Mike Pettersen (quoting)) 
The chief outlet of Soul being Aretha Franklin?
(Scott Carpenter) 

Carroll, Jack

After decades of raging against injustices -- personal and
communal, ephemeral and substantial -- I have come to see
that the more I take on the enemy's passion, the more I
become just like him until finally the shared rage
obliterates any distinction between his cause and mine -- the
means becomes the end and we are essentially
indistinguishable in hatred.
(Jack Carroll) 

Where will all of the wretchedness end if we cannot refrain
from repeatedly seeking to victimize the victimizer?
(Jack Carroll) 

I have small patience with people who attempt to stand on
principles which are smaller than their feet and then
complain when they fall off, but I have no sympathy with
people who attempt to stand on principles when there are none
in sight.
(Jack Carroll) 

If we repudiate "religion" and a concern for what is "sacred"
because it is associated with the activities and cultic
paraphernalia of professional religionists we are denying a
very essential part of being human. Religion is not about
God, it is about us.
(Jack Carroll) 

Gay is standard equipment on some models. Period.
(Jack Carroll) 

I'm mixing metaphors here, but the closet is somebody else's
red wagon--I won't kick it over, but I won't pull it either.
(Jack Carroll) 

Why should sexual orientation appear on a list of priorities?
I mean, like everybody's got one.
(Jack Carroll) 

I am not looking for a place for my dick, I am looking for a
place for my life. And that "place" is the whole place.
(Jack Carroll) 

Hug me, flame me, kiss me, kill me...
(Alan Jaffray) 
*Hugs*, you dumb bastard -{smooches}- -{stab}- -{stab}- -{stab}-
(Brad Shapcott) 
At last a real breakthrough: snuff postings!
(Jack Carroll) 

The problem of papal intransigence could easily be rectified
by making black fishnet stockings part of the uniform.
(Jack Carroll) 

Granted, coming out and finding new friends as a result of
this process is certainly change, but the fear of being
rejected for a quality of one's basic essence and the fear
that this may separate one across-the-board from non-gay
people is a powerful threat, and I don't believe that it is
one likely to be seriously diminished, at least in the short
run, by the fact that one will make new friends.
(Jack Carroll) 

To be rejected because you are a female in a society run by
males, or to be rejected because your skin is black in a
society run by people with white skin, or to be rejected
because you are homosexual in a society run by heterosexuals
and the impact this has on your life is far different than no
longer seeing the guys on your old bowling team.
(Jack Carroll) 

The virus [hate and discrimination] isn't in some other Them,
it's in all of us and it travels only too well. Perhaps the
greatest utopia would be if we could all realize that no
utopia is possible; no place to run, no place to hide, just
take care of business here and now.
(Jack Carroll) 

Buy papers and learn to roll your joints. Eventually you will
be enticed into the wonderful world of origami, give up your
enslavement to dope and find bliss in folding single sheets
of paper into models of Mount Rushmore.
(Jack Carroll) 

[On mornings:] I'm sure if I had been there when God said,
"Let there be light," I would have yelled, "Turn that thing
off, asshole!"
(Jack Carroll) 

First impressions of soc.motss: Kinda like one of them
afternoon soap operas, but on steroids or something.
(+Someone) 
Ages ago someone said that her picuture of soc.motss was a
cocktail party. In my own mind that conjured up one of those
gatherings in the 60's where most of the guests arrived
straight from work with an empty stomach, and by 6:30 the
affair was a pandemonium of falling-down drunks. The steroid
soap opera is much better. How about calling it "Roiders of
the Purple Stage."
(Jack Carroll) 

Anyhoo, the cruising that was going on in the opera section
[in the record store] was as blatant as what goes on in an
incredibly cruisy backroom.
(Arne Adolfsen) 
People had their dicks out?
(Greg Parkinson) 
Greg, this was the opera section. If these guys had their
weenies out it was probably just to piss on the CD's of divas
they hated.
(Jack Carroll) 

M., who finds oral surgery preferable to experimental theater
(Mack Therber) 
I am certain my endodontist has dedicated his professional
life to breaking down that very distinction.
(Jack Carroll) 

It's September -- time for the "name that penis"/"name that
breast"/"name that" -{sexual body part}- thread!
(Scott Safier) 
Way back in college (early 1970s), I knew a guy, evidently
straight, who called his penis Alphonse.
(Edgar Lawrence) 
Bah, as if anything can top the simple sublime grace of the
name "Mr. Happy."
(Steve Jones) 
Certainly, an anus named Ramona. "Ooooh Daddy! Give Ramona
one of your big ol' soul kisses."
(Jack Carroll) 

Why don't you and Tim worry about yourselves and let me worry
about my responses. I think that works best.
(Scott Safier) 
You know you wanna strangle the both of them. Admit it, you
will feel much better. Embrace the anger inside you and make
it your friend.
(Mike Lane) 
You could get rich off the self-help crowd with your book on
"Making Friends with Your Inner Killer."
(Jack Carroll) 

I went thru the picture archives. They were truly a menagerie
of the ugliest human beings I have ever seen. I should have
done a top ten list but even I am not mean enough to do that.
(Mike Lane) 
Beauty is only a light switch away.
(Jack Carroll) 

I think the world would be a better place with more dragons
in it.
(Kevin Michael Vail) 
My goodness, have bars changed *that* much?
(Jack Carroll) 

"We are honored to receive this award and be in such good
company." said Astro Teller, BodyMedias CEO.
(Scott Safier) 
Your CEO's name sounds like he should be a cheap fortune
teller.
(David Fenton) 
Or an ATM on a space shuttle.
(Jack Carroll) 

It just occurred to me this morning: We've been Fristed.
(Frank McQuarry) 
I guess Americans are just too Bushed not to give in to a
Fristing, but soon the Brits will be Blairing about being
Cheneyed to the wall and having their Rumsfeld too. Same ol'
Song, Saddam 'em all sez I.
(Jack Carroll) 

He is so firmly impaled on the point of his head that he's
sitting on his own shoulders.
(Jack Carroll) 

For dessert, we walked over to our neighbors and found that
another neighbor's dog had killed a fawn. We took its liver
and had it with a nice Chianti.
(Michael Thomas) 
A Sicilian favorite, dog liver and Chianti.
(Jack Carroll) 

Casti, David

Sexuality does not "turn on" at puberty and "turn off" at
menopause. It is not a thing external, no matter how hard our
culture teaches us to push it away. It is every bit as
integral and fundamental the day you're born as it is the day
you die.
(David Casti) 

Chatt, Tom

94% of Americans surveyed believed that polls are the best
mechanism for making public policy decisions. Of those
responding, 86% were avid readers of USA Today, and 62%
spelled potato with an 'e' at the end.
(Tom Chatt) 

The whole project [the sociologist Tennov's theory of
"limerence"] depends on the belief that vector mathematics is
meaningfully analogous to human emotions. Sorry. I just don't
buy it.
(Tom Chatt) 

It is appropriate for the *homophobe*, rather than the
homosexual, to be apologizing for his/her existence.
(Tom Chatt) 

If Space and Time are curved, where do all the straight
people come from?
(Tom Chatt) 

Chibnik, Mara

Our culture says that it's more important to stay within
other people's expectations and comfort zones than within our
own. Crossing gender lines is some sort of real
transgression. Making the point that one's choice of bedmates
is not "properly" a *gender* issue is in itself a
revolutionary act.
(Mara Chibnik) 

Anyone who thinks that it isn't misogynistic to insult a man
by saying "you've got penis envy" doesn't have a clue. Of
course, that's probably not all he hasn't got.
(Mara Chibnik) 

I am trying out a lot of ideas about sex and gender. None is
quite so simple as the familiar version, which rests on a
couple of traditional axioms that I've explicitly rejected:
that physical sex is always the determiner of gender and that
heterosexual pairings take priority. It is amazing how many
new possibilities open up once these restrictive notions are
discarded.
(Mara Chibnik) 

A transcendental number is easier to put into a glossary
entry than a transcendental experience is.
(Mara Chibnik) 

Homophobia isn't a disease of the intellect and it isn't
subject to an intellectual cure.
(Mara Chibnik) 

If you're going to lead a horse to water it's a good idea to
put something into the trough.
(Mara Chibnik) 

As a matter of concern, how can anybody tell that somebody
else is gay. Especially when that other person is EIGHT!! It
is a bit O.T.T. to go and assume that your nephew is gay. If
he is or not you have no right to label him Gay,
Heterosexual,... etc. That is his own decision.
(Aaron J. Quigley) 
It's up to him to assert his own sexuality, certainly. But
perhaps you would care to comment as to why it's "a bit
O.T.T." to assume that the youngster is gay -- but not to
assume that he isn't.
(Mara Chibnik) 

Just about every American city save NYC and LA is provincial.
(Tim Wilson) 
New York is the most provincial city on Earth.
(+Somebody) 
In the universe, most likely.
(Mara Chibnik) 

Please do not annoy, torment, pester, plague, molest, worry,
badger, harry, harass, heckle, persecute, irk, bullyrag, vex,
disquiet, grate, beset, bother, tease, nettle, tantalize, or
ruffle the usenet.
(Vadim Temkin) 
It's awfully hard to avoid ruffling the usenet.
Cobra Woman [picturing eballets with etutus[*] made of
usetulle]
*Brutes!
(Mara Chibnik) 

Chu, Leith

We have had this discussion before.
(Mark Roberts) 
So? This is soc.motss. We've had *all* the discussions
before.
(Leith Chu) 

The problem with actual facts is that they often don't fit
stereotypes. It's much easier to just ignore them.
(Leith Chu) 

On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog. However, idjit
asshole is hard to hide.
(Leith Chu) 

Not All Men Are Annoying; Some Are Dead.
(+Button text) 
Men can be annoying long after their death.
(Leith Chu) 

Usenet is not the right place for a control queen.
(Mike Thomas) 
I thought this was a double-blind experiment?
(Leith Chu) 

I can can to work by going to the corner, turning right on H
Street,
(Jack Hamilton) 
Isn't that hard on your feet?
(Leith Chu) 

The prurient in Texas would like to know what you *wear*
while Swiffering.
(Mike McKinley) 
An exasperated expression.
(Leith Chu) 

Clapp, Doug

Place the rock within easy gazing distance of the computer.
When totally baffled, stuck or dismayed, gaze at the rock.
Try to remember that, like the rock, the computer is
functioning perfectly. You're the one with the problem.
(Doug Clapp) 

Clark, Randy

Grammar is not a vice (though excessive picking at it can
be). And nonstandard words/grammar can be used to good effect
(but no one can do that without knowing *how* they're) 
deviating.
(Randy Clark) 

The idea that there is a platonic message that can somehow be
divorced from "unimportant" details of presentation is, like
solipsism, less in need of a refutation than a cure.
(Randy Clark) 

Clark, Richard

Just goes to show that some people admire what's inside a
person more than what he looks like. Hell, I'm so ugly it
looks like I was ridden hard and put away wet, but my lover,
whom everyone loves, has stuck with me for these past 28+
years.
(Richard Clark) 

Cobb, Darren Scott

What's the difference between a flirt and tease?
(Richard Jasper) 
A flirt wants it, and a tease wants something else.
(Darren Scott Cobb) 

Colwell, Clay

As a public service to soc.motss, I figured I go ahead and
start the annual Chr*stm*s flamewar thread.
(Greg Havican) 
"Christians roasting on an open fire,
Lions nipping on their toes...."
(Clay Colwell) 

So, what do y'all want for Christmas?
(DRS) 
Your head on a platter.
(Greg Havican) 
Shalom, Salome.
(Clay Colwell) 

Give up the analytical obsession. It's not like a thousand
metapeople just like you haven't metadroned on about the
metasame metathing a thousand times before.
(+Someone) 
Right. Stop it before it metastasizes.
(Michael Thomas) 
Hmph. I never metastasizes I didn't like.
(Clay Colwell) 

My mother gave up smoking when she became pregnant (but I
don't think this would work with guys).
(David Stevenson) 
Well, give it a shot -- let all the guys who want to quit
smoking know the next time your mother is pregnant.
(Clay Colwell) 

I had Jasper and Melinda in the same dream a few days back.
(Gene Smith) 
Celebrity Deathmatch?
(Clay Colwell) 

*BONK*! OW! *BONK*! OW! *BONK*! ALL RIGHT ALL RIGHT! One
*CAN* *BONK* too many times!
(Matthew Melmon) 
Skwirl -- be a dear: give your queen a sedative.
(Brian Kane) 
You misspelled "laxative". Hope that helps.
(Tim Wilson) 
Funny; I was about to recommend the opposite.
(Clay Colwell) 

Is that what you tell the boys when you're kicking the shit
out of them?
(DRS) 
Once they regain consciousness, I do.
(Mary Ballard) 
Do you circumsize 'em, too?
(Clay Colwell) 
The side kick is easy, compared to the snip kick.
(Jess Anderson) 
Yes! The Amazing Prepuce Man, with his sidekick Bris Boy.
Their superpower? Oy, just guess.
(Clay Colwell) 

The corn have ears! The potatoes have eyes!
(Greg Parkinson) 
The night has a thousand eyes.
(Edgar Lawrence) 
The knight has a thousand ayes.
(Jess Anderson) 
The rabbit farm has a thousand I's.
(Clay Colwell) 

Topics this week:
* How Kevin Spacey picks up chicks
(Rex Wockner) 
By their peckers, natch.
(Clay Colwell) 

I'm resigned to enduring flamenco and bullfighting jokes for
the rest of my life on account of my middle name.
(Arne Adolfsen) 
For some reason, I read "bullfighting" as "buttfucking"!
(Tim Wilson) 
"Oh, *lay*! Oh, *LAY*!"
(Clay Colwell) 

I use it [hyphen] in mis-spelled, but because of the
potential misreading "miss-pelled."
(David Fenton) 
And lord knows, pelling is real serious stuff. I shudder to
think of what happens when you *miss* while pelling...
(Tracy Cannon) 
You pick yourself up, dust off your ass, and re-pell.
(Michael Palmer) 
Dis-pell that notion at once, or I shall be im-pelled to
pro-pell a scal-pell through your la-pell.
(Clay Colwell) 

I don't think the word "gay" was common in any majority
press, print or tv, before 1980, maybe 1985.
(Jess Anderson) 
Was it the NYT that had an article about the Enola
Homosexual?
(Clay Colwell) 

CNN just had a report that Pat Buchanan says gay men and
lesbians are "welcome" to support his bid for the Reform
Party nomination ... so long as we support his agenda.
(Dennis Lewis) 
Ooooo. Let's take self-loathing to the next level!
(Clay Colwell) 

I trust that was not an aspersion cast upon my cooking
acumen.
(Clay Colwell) 
All right, I'll bite (well, maybe I won't): how does one cook
acumen?
(Robert S. Coren) 
With falsified credentials?
(Clay Colwell) 

It's the tone of their voices that makes crows sound
quarrelsome, I suppose. Just as cardinals tend to sound
cheerful, and a little inebriated.
(Robert Coren) 
All that sacramental wine, I presume.
(Clay Colwell) 

Schlitterbahn could make a chicken hawk out of the most
hardcore daddy's boy.
(Richard Jasper) 
So what does that make me, as I seem to have resisted The
Urge?
(Clay Colwell) 
Uber Boi?
(Richard Jasper) 
No -- Uber Pup!
(Clay Colwell) 
What *is* the difference between bois and pups?
(Richard Jasper) 
Blanche Du?
(Clay Colwell) 

I kinda like the idea of a boyfriend who can only grunt.
(Scott Carpenter) 
Huhn.
(Clay Colwell) 

[The vagina] is simply inherently not a pretty organ.
(Mike Lane) 
Piffle
(Ellen Evans) 
Beauty is in the mouth of the beholder.
(Clay Colwell) 

I was recently mistaken for 28, and I was naked at the time,
so it wasn't the wardrobe.
(David Fenton) 
Those glory holes are *so* flattering.
(Clay Colwell) 

Cat people and dog people can make it work, if they're dog-
and cat-tolerant.
(Clay Colwell) 
Je déteste les chats.
(Mike McKinley) 
But you adore the chat rooms!
(Clay Colwell) 

If y'all want to carry on, be my guest.
(Clay Colwell) 
What are you serving?
(Scott Safier) 
Crow and nettles. How large is your party?
(Clay Colwell) 

Where did you think the Milky Way came from, anyway?
(Clay Colwell) 
Mars, he said with a snicker.
(Jess Anderson) 
Will, the big Baby, Ruthlessly had Zero to say about how his
Reeses monkeys were involved in the matter.
(Clay Colwell) 

Glitter and be gay, darling. And bring your finest tiara.
(Mike McKinley) 
I'm roughing it this trip: no jools.
(Jess Anderson) 
No energy to spare? Never leave ohm without joules, I always
say.
(Clay Colwell) 
I'm driving far, a day at a time, erg-o, wattever happens,
ohmy, I'm ready, neither resistant nor reluctant to charge
ahead even if it hertz.
(Jess Anderson) 
Currently, we'll be inducing you to attend a circuit party
during the visit (perhaps anode-ious undertaking, but watt
the 'ell).
(Clay Colwell) 

"People of Penis". Doesn't exactly roll off the tongue.
(Anthony Rzepela) 
Ooo! Oooo! "People of Prick" and "People of Pussy"! POPs
right off *my* tongue!
(Clay Colwell) 

I'd rather fuck the Snuggle bear than buy Chlorox II.
(Frank McQuarry) 
A closet plushie. I *knew* it!
(Clay Colwell) 

On chat, I say I'm 39, but in person, I always blow it.
(Mike McKinley) 
Darling, what *wouldn't* you blow?
(Clay Colwell) 

I think the world would be a better place with more dragons
in it.
(Kevin Michael Vail) 
Why? Fewer virgins?
(Clay Colwell) 

Chipotles en adobo are smoked jalapeños in thick, seasoned
paste and they are fabulous.
(Mike McKinley) 
They make my bunghole burn.
(Mike Thomas) 
Try eating them next time.
(Clay Colwell) 

Shame is for the shameful. Those of us who are shameless
don't give a shit.
(Clay Colwell) 

When my best friend was in college, she told her mother she
was thinking about becoming a thanatopsychologist. Her mother
thought she said tomato psychologist, and said "Isn't that
rather _seasonal_ work?"
(Kevin Michael Vail) 
Let's face it; it's got to be awfully easy work (unless John
Edwards is there as a translator). And it must be a bear
getting the clients off the couch (unless they'd been
cremated).
(Clay Colwell) 
Even then, vacuuming them up can be a real pain in the ash.
(Michael Palmer) 
But at least you urn your keep.
(Clay Colwell) 

Isn't it just terrible that the big evil AIDS industry can't
come up with a name for boinking-with-condoms that's even
half as sexy, saucy, and teasingly bad-boyish as
"barebacking?"
(Eric Holeman) 
Rubber-bumping.
(Will Parsons) 
So the new Rabid Right epithet against gay men will be
"rubber-bumping baby buggerers"?
(Clay Colwell) 

I don't believe in the theology, but I love the candles and
the statues.
(Mike McKinley) 
Oh please. You've got your eye on the frock and the smoking
purse.
(Clay Colwell) 

So if you get a blowjob through a gloryhole and find out,
upon exiting, that the blower was a hedgehog, are you into
bestiality?
(Clay Colwell) 

Coren, Robert

Did you know there are only forty-four sounds in the English
language? Forty-four!
(Tim Pierce) 
And about three thousand ways to spell each one of them?
(FJ!!) 
Now dear, you know it could be worse. I don't know how many
sounds there are in Dutch, but I do know a substantial number
of them are unpronounceable.
(Jess Anderson) 
Now, now, Jess. I have to point out that, of the 44 sounds in
English, at least 60 of them are unpronounceable.
(Robert Coren) 

Blind acceptance of the government's policies is a concept
inimical to true freedom.
(Robert Coren) 

I won the Howdy Doody lookalike contest in Providence.
(D. Owen Rowley) 
I suppose it would be rude to ask in what year.
(Robert Coren) 

This newsgroup hasn't changed a bit. You still are all so
cruel and insensitive and mean and nasty and oppressive. I'm
leaving and never coming back.
(Will Parsons) 
What, again?
(Robert Coren) 

People will want to marry inanimate objects.
(Dave Welch) 
It seems to me that plenty of people manage to do that under
the present rules.
(Robert Coren) 

John, who saw a new Kraft product t'other day: mac 'n' cheese
where all's you have to add is water. Brought me to my knees.
(John Dorrance) 
Not difficult to do, by all accounts.
(Robert Coren) 

It's nice to have doctor who is out, teddy-bear shaped and
prone to give hugs at the end of an exam.
(Richard Jasper) 
Mine always gives me a big kiss when I come.
(Greg Parkinson) 
I like that in a man.
(Robert Coren) 

Clay, who had his leg pissed on by one upset kitty before
(Clay Colwell) 
It's rather a pity that the rest of this sentence somehow got
cut off.
(Robert Coren) 

YAW: yet another whippersnapper!
(Jess Anderson) 
ROLL: real oldtimers love life.
PITCH: peer into time's cold heart.
(Robert Coren) 

[Re: the definition of "teabagger"] But, in a non-American
sense, "One who bags tea" is a perfectly reasonable
definition. One who drapes his genitalia over sleeping
people's faces is more accurately described as an "Alarm
clock".
(Nick Fitch) 
You didn't intend that second "l", did you?
(Robert Coren) 

Hmmm. Don't you need a filename if you're going to fcare?
(Clay Bond) 
Frankly, the whole thing fcares the fhit out of me.
(Robert Coren) 

I've long decided that there's only one sensible answer to
the question "Why is/are one/some/any/certain people gay?":
"Why not?"
(Robert Coren) 

I want to see more bitter, hysterical and queenly responses.
(Mike McKinley) 
Hmmm. And I figured you for one to appreciate the treasure
that is the serial comma!
(Tim Wilson) 
No one appreciates it anymore.
(Kevin Michael Vail) 
I do! Corn flakes, shredded wheat, rice krispies, ... Oh.
Those are cereal commas. Never mind.
(Robert Coren) 

When I was an adolescent my nickname was "Easy Out McKinley."
(Mike McKinley) 
Then you got a little older and they dropped the "Out".
(Robert Coren) 

What I remember from Banff is that elk are big, especially a
half a dozen or so blocking the exit from the bar.
(Cornelia Wyngaarden) 
What, had the bartender cut them off?
(Robert Coren) 

A weasel is weaselly distinguished, and a stoat is stoatally
different
(-- Chris Ambidge) 
Ferret enough.
(Robert Coren) 

Cat abuse is the main problem facing scripters today.
(Lars Magne Ingebrigtsen) 
Is that the opposite of ant abuse? Does it encourage drinking
to excess?
(Robert Coren) 

Cornish, Carleton

The world is made up of *too many* insensitive, malicious
people unworthy of my attention who by their every word and
action declare themselves an enemy of who and what I am...and
these people make decisions that affect my life. Fortunately,
I have developed the self-confidence and strength to
withstand these things or I wouldn't be here today...but I'm
*still pissed*, and I have every *right* to that anger.
(Carleton Cornish) 

Coughlin, Jake

To forget all the rules and act naturally is a reward akin to
heaven!
(Jake Coughlin) 

And if *I* were standing in front of you you'd be spitting
broken teeth out of your mouth. Asshole.
(Mick Washbrooke) 
Oh YEAH?!? If *you* were standing in front of me, you'd be
bleeding all over your taffeta dress. Of course, with your
slow delivery, you'd be healed before you woke up.
(Jake Coughlin) 

I'm going to go talk with my parrot; he makes more real sense
than most of you people do.
(Michael Krieger) 
I think you mean that he doesn't talk back.
(Jake Coughlin) 

I'm going to have that Abercrombie and Fitch ad in which four
young men run around naked with their boxers in front of
their crotches tattooed on the inside of my eyelids. And to
think that some gay kids had merely the Sears underwear
catalog to wank off to.
(Jake Coughlin) 

Craven, Ayana

"Cabal" may come to the mind of many because of the
inordinate amount of group-think that goes on here.
(Luke Adams) 
Yeah, it's really a shame that so many people here attack
logical inconsistency and sweeping generalizations made from
unsupported assumptions. They should all be more
*individual*, this insistence on clear thinking and
reasonably clear writing is just another example of people
wanting to fit in.
(Ayana Craven) 

Creighton, Laura

As I get older and older, I find little grounds to believe in
the real existence of a personal God who cares about me. But
if there is such a God for me to meet when I die, I still
think that I will have the same defense -- I tried to do what
is good, and apologise when I make mistakes. If that is not
enough, then I was scorched before I was ten.
(Laura Creighton) 

When we win, let us not forget those who lost before.
(Laura Creighton) 

You do not know my aches, but you know your own and they are
in the same places. This is what makes us a community. We
have a lot of aches in common.
(Laura Creighton) 

Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
(Laura Creighton) 

Unless the idea "do not hate" penetrates, it will find new
roots.
(Laura Creighton) 

Crew, Louie

At the political level, _honkey_ is insignificant. No systems
privilege it. Black students changed _honkey_ quickly after a
little education, especially when I showed them how to
document their oppression and how to invest their verbal
energies less frivolously, more systematically to change the
systems by which white people receive special privilege. I
was especially effective when I pointed out that my insight
derives not from my own whiteness, but from my being an
articulate sissy! Once hetero egos mended, I got an apology
from every one who had called me "Faggot!" too. Solidarity is
dangerous unless we can unite with justice for all.
(Louie Crew) 

One of the things that I most resent about the media's
attention to Skin Heads and other neo-Nazi groups in the USA
is that the media use them to sustain an illusion that White
Supremacy and homophobia are at the fringe of our society:
they are at its core.
(Louie Crew) 

Too many of us blindly trust hetero educators to tell us what
we need to know. Rather than join a community, most
homosexuals call it a "ghetto" and hold out for the private
and personal privileges they can win on their own.
(Louie Crew) 

Interracial friendships deserving of the name should not
occur if the price is to silence our addressing these larger,
impersonal but fiercely unjust systems. The same goes for
friendships between straits and lesbigays. The same goes for
friendships between 'out' lesbigays and closeted ones. Don't
mistake a bandaid for surgery.
(Louie Crew) 

Cantonese for masturbate is ~DAH FAY GAY~ (with tones
ascending as in DO-RAY-ME for the musical scales). It means
"hit [DAH] the airplane [FAY GAY]." Thai for masturbate is
"feed the Chickens." You can see who has the luxury of lying
on his back, who has to do it on the run in this global jerk.
(Louie Crew) 

Only a dead fish floats with the current.
(Louie Crew) 

Crowley, Paul

"Do you know a cow was *murdered* to make that jacket?" "I
didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I guess I'll have
to kill you too."
(Paul Crowley) 

Cumming, Robert

For breakfast on Thursday morning, we decided to go to
another place that I noticed a block away from Cafe du Monde,
called La Madeleine.
(Ken Rudolph) 
I bet that brought the memories flooding back!
(Robert Cumming) 

I know I haven't checked with the ultra-pedantic dictionary
elitists who define words for all of soc.motss...
(Scott Safier) 
We could always call them burglarians.
(Robert Cumming) 

I wouldn't put it past [Bavarians] to spawn any number of mad
gunmen, alongside passably honest farmers with a side line in
"Swiss" cheese.
(Lee Rudolph) 
So *that's* how they make the holes.
(Robert Cumming) 

I HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE this new fucking trend of
stamping little product labels on to fruits and vegetables
(tomatoes in particular).
(Mike Thomas) 
I don't see what the point of genetic engineering is if they
can't breed the things already with barcodes on them, really.
(Robert Cumming) 

Alas, Ellen, you've become *too* successful: you're now
generic.
(Michael Palmer) 
Ellen de sui generis?
(Robert Cumming) 

I think reality has a responsibility to us to be at least
mildly comprehensible.
(Robert Cumming) 

DRS

I do believe that all voices should be heard on matters such
as this, unlike the overwhelming majority of faggots who
believe in suppressing all criticism of the gay agenda.
(Fred Cherry) 
What's this "Gay Agenda" thing I keep hearing about? Whoever
passed that Agenda never sent me a copy of the flyer.
(Michael Roeder) 
It's the agenda to replace fear, hate, lies, bigotry and
intolerance with knowledge, understanding, truth and
acceptance.
(DRS) 

OK I'm beginning to get uncomfortable here. Defending me is
simply not done. It makes me feel very vulnerable. Please
stop it.
(Mike Lane) 
It's our way of getting revenge. The flame wars were just to
suck you in.
(DRS) 

I later found out that his thing is shrimping, which does
nothing for me.
(David Fenton) 
I read that as "shrinking", which does nothing for me either.
(DRS) 

Men are just a dick and a wallet. Suddenly I feel like half a
man...
(Scott Safier) 
Which half?
(DRS) 

Clay, with a lay/lie pet peeve
(Clay Colwell) 
My Mamma always said that "Hens lay and people lie."
(Mike McKinley) 
Really? What do pigs do?
(Will Parsons) 
Take your number but never call.
(DRS) 

Given how hard it is to get blood out of various materials
(including wood), seems like a body might rather use
something a little less, er, permanent.
(Ayana Craven) 
You should see them trying to get blood out of a parrot.
(Mike McKinley) 
Surely one just squeezes?
(DRS) 

"Butt" is not elegant. It's American.
(DRS) 
And we all know those qualities are mutually exclusive,
right?
(Robert Coren) 
You know what I mean.
(DRS) 
True, but that's never stopped me before.
(Robert Coren) 
These confessional moments are rare, David; enjoy it while
you can.
(Jess Anderson) 
The quotes file is forever.
(DRS) 

Don't blame me, I voted with the majority.
(Scott Safier) 
Great bumper sticker.
(DRS) 

I was very disappointed when I realized that "canonization"
does not involve shooting the person out of a cannon.
(Beth Linker) 
I was disappointed when I discovered that a straw vote did
not involve straws.
(Mary Ballard) 
I was disappointed when I discovered that a kangaroo court
does not involve kangaroos.
(DRS) 

Does that make Mike McKinley a sage?
(DRS) 
Isn't he more of a rosemary?
(Lars Magne Ingebrigtsen) 
All the thyme.
(DRS) 

I'm so, so sorry, though; I could have lured them [a couple
of Mormons] into the basement and kept them there for you.
(Ann Burlingham) 
How well do Mormons keep?
(Brian Kane) 
I suppose it depends on how well you cure them.
(DRS) 

Well, remember what Harry Lime said: "In Italy, for thirty
years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder,
bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci
and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love;
they had 500 years of democracy and peace -- and what did
that produce? The cuckoo cock."
(Lee Rudolph) 
Are they the ones that pop out of your trousers on the hour,
every hour?
(DRS) 

Danger, Jack

If you put aside the mass murders and hate, the neo-nazi
network is just a bunch of clean-cut white boys out for a
good time.
(Jack Danger) 

Dauber, Jeff

Personally, I am of the opinion that if my naked body is the
worst thing homosexuals have to offer, then people have
nothing to be afraid of.
(Jeff Dauber) 

I hate everyone until I meet them, then I either like them or
pity them.
(Jeff Dauber) 

Some of us learn to stand the heat; others try to extinguish
the fire.
(Jeff Dauber) 

Davies, Brent

Male "banana"'s ass is valued high by white gay men. The
reason for that are two folds.
(some bigot on soc.culture.china) 
Hateful diatribe. *Wonderful* malaprop.
(Brent Davies) 

I am SICK--incurably SICK--of listening, listening, listening
to homophobes-- both strayt and *not*, mind you, since (as we
know) closeted 'phobes can be especially vicious--telling me
over and over again in endlessly inventive ways how *bad* I
am, how *unworthy* I am, how *immoral* I am, how *unsuited* I
am, how *unrealistic* I'm being, how *much* I'm expecting,
how *little* I'm giving, how *disgusting* I am, how *sinful*
I am. And I--yes, *I*--so sorry to be selfish here--get
*nowhere* as far as my personal rights go. So I'm through
with passive listening as a sole strategy, it's just that
simple. Sure I'll listen. But this time around, the fists are
up too; listening is now something I reserve exclusively for
nice people, and Perot does NOT strike me as one.
(Brent Davies) 

So: you act however you want to. There is no "gay" way to
act. Don't let the old stereotypes fool you: we're as diverse
as the stars.
(Brent Davies) 

The reality is, gay people's behavior is a *continuum* with
an infinite number of varieties, as many as there are gay
people. Somewhere in that continuum is you. And only *you*
can say where that is.
(Brent Davies) 

Nothing is an accident. The broad game plans of our lives
were set up by us ourselves in the in-between time, expressly
to afford ourselves the opportunities necessary for learning
the very lessons we needed most to learn next. That's why
it's so important that we learn them: after all, in learning
them, we're only doing what we already want most for
ourselves.
(Brent Davies) 

Davis, Jed

Bullying people around *is* a social skill.
(Jed Davis) 

[objecting to an html posting:] this is a text-only
newsgroup.
(David Gartner) 
There was a text/plain part in that post's
multipart/alternative. In a singular display of aptness, it
was empty.
(Jed Davis) 

De, Swardt Moira

Have you been taking Moira's lessons on How To Make A
Universal Pronouncement?
(Mike Reaser) 
Discount on this particular course, for one week only. E-mail
me privately. :-)
(Moira de Swardt) 

Dean, Gwendolyn

What's at work is not homophobia but heterophobia. An
emasculated male population has great difficulty relating to
the new assertive female.
(Elazar Somebody) 
Yippee, success at last!
(Gwendolyn Alden Dean) 

I can't wait until the full-fledged invasion, and people
refer to the violent/threatening flamewars as "the good ole
days."
(Nick Jacobi) 
These are the good ole days.
(Gwendolyn Alden Dean) 

How can one speak of postmodernism monolithically? Especially
since wasn't it first an art/architecture term that got
spread out to other things?
(Ilona Koren-Deutsch) 
I lost track of it as soon as it began to spread. I have no
idea what my students are talking about when they start
waffling on about the "post-modern" situation and the
complexities of "post-modern" identity. As far as I can tell,
we were pretentious and self-absorbed in college, too, we
just had a different word for it.
(Gwendolyn Alden Dean) 

When I started grad school, Matthias wasn't quite 2. We used
to amuse ourselves teaching the baby grad student vocabulary.
"Matthias, say 'hegemony.' Say 'ideology.' Say 'post-modern,'
'post-structural,' 'polyvalent.'"

The results of this were demonstrated when he was abou 2-1/2.
This little voice pipes up from the back seat of the car...

"Mama, Post-Modern and Post-Structural were at the top of a
very, tall building doing something."

"Well, what were Post-Modern and Post-Structural doing at the
top of the very, tall building?"

-{long pause}-

"Mama, no one knows..."

-{another pause}-

"But we think it had something to do with sour cream."

We all thought he should just skip kindergarten and go right
into a Ph.D. program in literary criticism.

He's become much less theoretical; now his favorite phrase is
"imperialist scum."

(Gwendolyn Alden Dean) 

So, lemme get this straight. Women who want to recover from a
sexual attraction to men can use homosexuality to recover?
(Snert Master) 
Worked for me.
(Gwendolyn Alden Dean) 

The typical faggot gets to kill five people before being
punished for it? That's cool! Wherever do I start?
(John Dorrance) 
I have a list.
(Gwendolyn Alden Dean) 

Clay, who would love to see Crucifix Peeps
(Clay Colwell) 
Bite they tiny heads off,
Nibble on they tiny feet.
(Gwendolyn Alden Dean) 

I'm a fusspot; I don't believe in "art" or "porn" or
"erotica."
(Gwendolyn Alden Dean) 

How about from this point forward we ALL make a concious
effort to not label everyone.
(Spider) 
Nope, I -{heart}- labels.
Me BigMeanDyke, you SillyHetBigot.
(Gwendolyn Alden Dean) 

North Korea is the arms merchant to the world.
(John McGinnis) 
I thought the USA was the arms merchant to the world.
(Robert Coren) 
The other world.
(Corry Wyngaarden) 
Q: President Bush, how do we know Iraq has weapons of mass
destruction?
A: Because I kept the receipts.
(Gwendolyn Alden Dean) 

Backlash is a sign of progress.
(Gwendolyn Alden Dean) 

It won't help us to let bigots dictate our agenda.
(Gwendolyn Alden Dean) 

I'm still a toddler at heart -- "no" and "mine" are my
favorite concepts.
(Gwendolyn Alden Dean) 

Deily, Ned

In this medium, as so often elsewhere, dignity is given away,
not taken away: it is far easier to retain than reclaim.
(Ned Deily) 

I was in a difficult position last evening, and having
thought about it decided that motss might be a good place to
ask.
(Jojo) 
Jojo soliciting technical advice on positions is like
Leontyne Price asking a sixth-grade music class for advice on
the fine points of singing "O patria mia".
(Ned Deily) 

Big Macs have *two* pieces of meat. But Ned and Vadim
provided the sesame-seed buns and the Special Sauce, hold the
cheese.
(Brian Kane) 
Does that combo come with Kenji on the side?
(Darren Cobb) 
Eye object.
(Ned Deily) 

Jess:
}-David Horne:
}-}-Jess Anderson:
}-}-}-David Horne:
}-}-}-}-Robert S. Coren:

}-}-}-}-}-I dunno -- for me, at that point, da trill is gone.
}-}-}-}-Musical puns aren't my forte. ;-)
}-}-}-||: ad lib :||
}-}-The minimalism newsgroup is over there -----------------}-
}-I see it, but through a Glass, darkly.
Overheard on the radio yesterday: following one of those
annoying tests of the Emergency Alert System (or whatever
it's called these days) complete with chirps and buzzes, the
announcer ad-libbed: "This concludes this test. Music by
Philip Glass."
(Ned Deily) 

Minneapolis received close to 20 cm yesterday.
(Ned Deily) 
It must have been some of that Canadian metric snow.
(John Gintell) 
It was mostly white and very polite.
(Ned Deily) 

Tonight [Feb 2] is the night we're seeing _Salome_, which
prompts me to wonder: What does it signify if Jochanaan
emerges from the cistern and sees his shadow?
(Robert Coren) 
Sixty more minutes of elektrafying opera?
The Dance of the Kevin Vails?
Another way to get ahead?
(Ned Deily) 

And a discount on a Happy Meal at a MickeyD's on the
Champs-Elyse'es.
(Ned Deily) 
I'm pretty sure Champ's Elyse'es are spoken for.
(Scott Safier) 
Scott is from Venus,
Champs de Mars.
(Ned Deily) 

I didn't [see meteors]. And I looked at 12:30+ and then again
at 2:45+. And it was clear. Browsing about with my new
binoculars, I did see a lot of stars I hadn't noticed before,
and Jupiter, but no falling stars.
(Ellen Evans) 
But you've met a few.
(Ned Deily) 

So who were the original inhabitants of the Falklands?
(Robert Coren) 
Penguins.
(Lars Magne Ingebrigtsen) 
Redhatted Debian Penguins named Mandrake and Suse.
(Ned Deily) 

Ars lingua, vita brava.
(Ned Deily) 

Dekker, Kay

I think the strangest (or, perhaps, at least the most
inappropriate) conversation I've ever had during sex with
anyone was a long discussion (punctuated by the obvious
noises) of analytic means of setting a bound on the primality
of generalised Fibonacci numbers.
(Kay Dekker) 

My friend Kate has just been telling me about "gender
dysphoria" -- the state of not enjoying being the sex that
you are born with. I guess I've got "gender euphoria". I
think I'll put that on a T-shirt or something.
(Kay Dekker) 

Donahue, Bob

Crediting Gore with the success of the Internet is like
crediting Taft with the success of the automobile.
(Bob Donahue) 

Donley, Roger

How old were you when "they" got you? What did "they" do?
(Gail @ Wizard) 
"They" had me circumcised when I was just a few days old. It
hurt so bad -- I couldn't walk for a year!
(Roger Donley) 

Dorrance, John

The most important thing about fashion is frightening people
with it.
(John Dorrance) 

I'd say virginity is another pointless black-and-white
morality judgement imposed upon us by the Moral Majority and
their ilk.
(John Dorrance) 

[On virginity:] Sex is a *huge* topic; do you think it can be
summed up in just *one* "experience?"
(John Dorrance) 

Fundies have more time to waste sitting around calling phone
polls over and over again than do most other real people, who
have friends to phone instead.
(John Dorrance) 

[Of the epithet "breeder"] We know it's a hurtful word, and
we kinda wince to use it because we know we're stooping to
the same level as our oppressors, but it's sometimes the only
way for us to vent our rage because you can't kill a
kneebiter with a ground-to-air missile.
(John Dorrance) 

Don't sweat it. You're able to have a kid without being a
breeder, just as I'm able to knit without being a sweater
factory.
(John Dorrance) 

They also have no problem with beating us up with clubs.
Would that make it right for us to do it to them? I, for one,
prefer to hold myself to a higher standard.
(Andrew Solovay) 
I'll remember that at your funeral.
(John Dorrance) 

"Wake me when you're done" is probably better than "is it in
yet?"
(Jack Hamilton) 
Or "Hurry up! It's almost time for _Bewitched_!"
(John Dorrance) 

I'm co-independent: I need someone around to ignore.
(John Dorrance) 

* Keep usenet in a cool, dry place inaccessible to children
when not in use.
* Usenet causes lung cancer, heart disease, emphysema, and
may complicate pregnancy.
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usenet.
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Multiple clicks may be necessary for first use. Apply thin
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temporarily haze, but performance will not be affected.
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outer surface of the ear, *without entering the ear canal*.
* First clean surface dirt and makeup from skin with email.
Apply usenet to face avoiding eyes and leave 10-15 minutes.
Gently peel away usenet. Use usenet 2-3 times a week.
* Usenet contains small parts! Choking hazard!
* Pinch the tip of usenet to create a reservoir, then unroll
down the shaft of erect penis.
* Use of usenet without following these directions voids the
warranty. Manufacturer is not responsible for injury or death
caused by improper use of usenet.
(John Dorrance) 

I'm just a lot better looking than *him*.
(Mike Lane) 
Okay, so you're remarkably good-looking for a dead frog. It's
just that lots of people don't go for that.
(John Dorrance) 

If you want to know what the piece was about, just ask.
There's a big wide world out there you might enjoy learning
about.
(Steven Levine) 
No, we play by *my* rules here Steve.
(Mike Lane) 
Oh, honey, you're the only person here playing by these
rules. That we have any kindness for you whatsoever is a
"there but for the grace of a brain go I" thing.
(John Dorrance) 

I think the risk of addition -- which will lead to long term
*a*buse -- makes heroin much less safe than alcohol.
(Greg Parkinson) 
Math is hard, let's go drinking.
(Dvora Silberman) 
I'm used to people who do math *while* drinking.
(Greg Parkinson) 
Don't drink and derive.
(John Dorrance) 

If nature abhors a vacuum then explain the space between my
ears.
(Mike Lane) 
It's filled with the amniotic fluid for the alien fetus that
ought to be bursting forth from your skull sometime in 2009.
(John Dorrance) 

As usual, I'm in a puddle.
(Mike McKinley) 
If you behaved, I would change you more often.
(John Dorrance) 

I could never take a man named after part of a beer can
seriously.
(John Dorrance) 
I could never take a man named after one of my favorite soft
drinks seriously.
(Katie Schmitz) 
How about a man named after a potty?
(Clay Colwell) 
Or a man whose name is mud?
(John Dorrance) 

You can make it up to me when we meet, around the the middle
of next month, if all goes according to my developing travel
plans.
(Jess Anderson) 
*WHAT!* Oh, must I gird my blue-veined loins yet again!?
(Mike McKinley) 
I think support hose counts as girding.
(John Dorrance) 

I am not ironic at all. I am pathetically heartfelt and
genuine.
(Tim Wilson) 
You nauseating bag of treacle! Get away from me before I am
forced to kick a dog in your presence!
(John Dorrance) 

Darling, I'm always in rehearsal.
(Mike McKinley) 
Well, maybe someday you'll get it right.
(John Dorrance) 

Drayton, Mike

Denying the value of sensitive, non-injurious speech and
writing by calling it "politically correct" (attempting
thereby to identify it with a party-line repression of free
speech) is merely an expression of the desire to go back to
the "good old days" when privileged types could make fun of
others with impunity. Screw that. I'm retraining myself.
(Mike Drayton) 

Duddy, Keith

I've just spent a significant portion of my day reading an
ethernet terminal server manual, and was vaguely amused to
see that they have a feature called Camp-on (allows you to
wait on a port until it's no longer being used.) However it
got more amusing when I read the configuration example:
strip-record: raw direct_camp_on=always
1-3,8@132.245.6.32/6300 I've seen some drag acts like that...
(Keith Duddy) 

Dyer, Steve

Madonna is interesting only insofar as she appropriates
earlier images, feeding them to a new generation who
(mistakenly) sees them as her own.
(Steve Dyer) 

Madonna has a fair chance of becoming the Debbie Harry of the
21st century.
(Steve Dyer) 

It's time for you to aspire to something higher than getting
in touch with your inner charge card.
(Steve Dyer) 

I really have to step in and state the obvious, namely that
*we* (the over-the-hill gang and those rapidly approaching)
are the wave of the future. [The young ones] will become old
farts like us in a remarkably few years, tender chickens
suddenly turned to tough old hens, destined to lecture to
those too fresh 'n clean to appreciate that they'd been there
before as well. Just wait for the 25th anniversary of
soc.motss.
(Steve Dyer) 

You're like someone ranting and raving about how awful it is
to be tall, and the shit that you get because of it, while
directing your vituperativeness towards short people. Is it
any wonder that you're being tarred as a looney-tune?
(Steve Dyer) 

They [homophobic postings] hold no resonance for me, unlock
no bogeymen, arouse no fears or revulsion, just a weird kind
of pity for the perpetrators.
(Steve Dyer) 

I'll tell you one type of person I don't respect: someone who
thinks they know better what I want than I do.
(Steve Dyer) 

Try reading for content. You'll be amazed at the distinctions
you will be able to draw.
(Steve Dyer) 

I just heard on NPR that The New Republic now has an openly
gay editor, Andrew Sullivan! Has anyone heard more about
this?
(Ron Rizzo) 
It's only a year or so old. Wake up and smell the latte.
(Steve Dyer) 

I'm not old enough to have a beard. I'm old enough to shave,
but I lack the testosterone necessary for a full beard.
(Nelson Minar) 
That's what regular, er, injections are for, young fellator.
(Steve Dyer) 

The proper response to "Well, have you ever *seen* any of
Fellini's movies?" is not "Well, have you ever *seen* any of
River Phoenix's movies?"
(Steve Dyer) 

Your condescending tone and didactic manner demonstrates your
lack of knowledge.
(James Scutero) 
And you are a raving lunatic, the electronic equivalent of a
bag lady, who will never let facts get in the way of your
rant. Shouting louder and longer only serves to reinforce the
impression.
(Steve Dyer) 

The horror! The *HORROR*!
(George Madison) 
By George, I think he's GOT it!
(Steve Dyer) 
What precisely is it I *have*?
(George Madison) 
Creeping maturity.
(Steve Dyer) 

Dykes, Ken

Oh yes! Bring on the DARPAnaughts! The evil zombie warriors
of the Pod People. Quite frankly i think it has reached the
point where FAR TOO MUCH BANDWIDTH has been wasted on these
people. Can we ignore them now? Clues are far too valuable to
repeatedly waste on those who won't take them.
(Ken Dykes) 

[In .sig:] Gay and proud of it!
(Dave Beals) 
After a few years when perha